Hey everyone:
Thanks for trying to track me down. However, I've been getting a lot of freaked out comments about an identity thief. Again, if you are friending someone on facebook with my name, you are being duped by someone who isn't me. No matter what this person looks like, we're not the same person. Even pages that reflect my name but not my picture are still NOT ME.

STOP CORRESPONDING WITH THESE PEOPLE. Again, the Ebony March (writer/journalist) you're probably looking for IS NOT active on Facebook. I have a page but I don't use it. I don't live in the UK. I don't live on the East Coast. All of my social profiles are listed under an alias and have been for years. And I don't work in fashion. Nothing against it -- it's just not my thing. I don't have a ton of kids. I don't photograph my food. I don't put my business on stalker  social media sites. I don't have graduation pics of myself online. I hate that cheesy shit.

These profiles are a result of my friend Lissy putting up a Facebook community page for my book and all these mysterious "Ebony March" people are followers of that page.

I would love to bitch-smack all of you stupidly corresponding with these total strangers, thinking you're talking to me because you should totally know better. I mean, don't y'all watch CATFISH???? Duh... Love you, but for reals--STOP. I keep a low profile in my old age. Comment on this page ONLY if you're looking for me. Don't allow yourself to redirected to other pages. Again, that is a catfish move. I will respond if I know who you are / don't hate your effing guts.

Best,
Ebony

Did Somebody Die?

There are fire trucks parked across the street from my bungalow. They have been there for a while and there are a lot of them which makes me fear that maybe somebody has died or needed the paramedics.

On the upside, those guys are WICKED hot, so it's nice to have a little eye candy in the middle of the afternoon.

The 10 Coolest Bands Created by Hollywood

The 10 Coolest Bands Created by Hollywood

Yo! I wrote this.

30-Something and Still in High School?

So this has been an interesting month...

The situation with my stalker has been getting really crazy. So, a while back, this geriatric pig named Debbie or Devora or something went off on me at a press junket because some director she was throwing herself at dissed her and "flirted" with me instead. I'm reticent to even call it flirting because I think the guy was just disgusted with her and was in dire need to illustrate that point.

Anyway, for the next couple of years, that cow threw shade, talked about me, called me names and continued to bring up how I--according to her--didn't "know my place" (which is racist for "I hate black people.").

So I wrote an article about what an asshole she is. I, of course, did not name names...

Unbeknownst to me, another whack-job bottom-feeder was out there and read that very same article and somehow got it in her mentally ill head that I'd written it about her. So since 2009, this second nut has apparently been going around junkets spreading lies about me and telling anyone who'll listen that I'm talking shit about her and that I'm out to get her. Since I never named names in my article and since a lot of those "journalists" are drama-starved wingnuts anyway, this created the perfect environment for her to convince people that I had written about her, even though she knows good and well we've never met or talked or been acquainted--NOTHING.

Now, that first sociopath was a shock. I didn't deserve to be attacked just because she's too unpleasant to get the guys she's attracted to. But this second idiot is LITERALLY someone I've never met, never interacted with and wouldn't know from the crack in my ass.

A publicist friend of mine told me that she works for a place that I used to write for a while back and she's looking to make a name for herself and she thinks that by starting shit with me she's going to do that. Not only that, but she's been enlisting her creepy D-lister minions to snoop around my Facebook page, hack into my email account, drive past my house and follow me around press events to "intimidate" me. I even saw what I have since been told was her scurrying around a press conference with my article in her psychotic hands, pointing at me and telling people that it was about her and that I should be "destroyed" because of it. Huh?!?!

Stalker, what are you, 12? Don't you have a job or a life? Loser, I DON'T EVEN KNOW YOU!!! What's more, I don't care about you--not even with your pathetic attempts to embed yourself in my life. I've got bigger fish to fry like that racist cow who started this mess in the first place.

I'm so annoyed. What is it with women nowadays? You're overweight and men don't want you but somehow that's my fault? When I can't land a guy I'm attracted to, I pretty it up and work it out on the treadmill; I don't go around blaming other women for that. When I wasn't happy about where my career was going, I went back to school and upped my game. I didn't go around committing felony and misdemeanor harassment to put myself on the map.

Which brings me to my next point. Recently, the cops showed up at my house and told me that a few people close to this second sad-ass wannabe who narcissistically and erroneously THINKS I've targeted her have come forward and signed statements detailing some of the more disturbing comments she's made about me and things she's attempted to do to me. It's now under official investigation. And lucky for me, that 2nd chick wasn't the least bit discreet about her stalking so several people have narc'd her out.

Personally, I think they should put the bitch back on her meds and ship her back to whatever rock she crawled out of.

You're Being Played

All this Charlie Sheen stuff is so awesome. Not because he's cool, but because he's making a fool out of everyone. He's not sick; he's media savvy. You can't vilify the guy and then sit around and watch EVERY SINGLE PIECE OF PRESS on him, judging him the whole way.

From a Marketing perspective, he's managed to brand himself, his harem of bitches and his homies. There are actually companies out there who can't even do what Sheen's done with the level of success he has. THAT'S his next career move: Brand Management consultant.

My Teeth Are Shifting

I have all this stuff lodged into my teeth. Now, every time I go to floss, it breaks off in my teeth because there is no space between them. It's very uncomfortable right now. I can feel all this food in my mouth and I hate it.

Even when I use peroxide (which now I must do to make sure I don't wind up with dentures) I don't feel like it's getting them clean.

NASTY...

Hilarious

I'm up even before the sun comes out working on some writing and trying to calm my achy tummy. I baked a chicken yesterday and I think I got food poisoning. So that's not good. I took two acidophilus and it still didn't work.

In happier news, I had a pretty funny day today. I interviewed this guy from a band I like. He's really cute and funny and talks a blue streak. I got drunk on a Tang mimosa, too. That was pretty funny. Out of the blue, I hit dude in the face with a packet of tissues. He looked at me like I was crazy and just started cracking up. I think he knew...

Watched the Oscars last night and they were boring. SNORE...! I thought James Franco and Anne Hathaway would have been really cool and really funny. But he looked terribly tense and she was nuts and hyper. It was weird to watch. Christian Bale won, though. I like him. I interviewed him a few years ago for this Werner Herzog movie. I was surprised that he hadn't won an Oscar already. Seems like he already had one. But I'm glad he has one now. Woo-hoo! Anyway, congrats to The King's Speech. Love Colin Firth and HBC. She's the best!